i have been reading blogs and i asked myself how far i would let a Dominant push me to prove my worthiness to him and i have come to the conclusion that if i wasnt comfortable in completing what he asked me to do i would refuse. Does this make me more less of a submissive because i didnt follow through with what he required. If he tried to say use emotional blackmail e.g. 'you would do this if you wanted to prove your love for me', would you still have the same respect for him, would it damage your relationship?, would it damage you emotionally? Would you feel safe playing with him again. Do you feel its right that your safety is put at risk but still you go through with it anyhow because you want to please him so much?
Is it not important to remain true to yourself, your beliefs and your limits? You would advise another do not put themselves in harms way but yet you put yourself in harms way because you think a true submissive would do this. You know its not true, so why go through with it?
Dont get me wrong i know its part of the lifestyle to push ones limits and you rely on the Dominant so much to make sure you stay within the safety those limits, but what about the Dominants who go that little bit further and go beyond this, you know what they ask of you is wrong but yet you still go through with it because they have asked for proof of your devotion to them. WRONG!!!!
So think about what has been asked of you, think about yourself, your safety, your health and most of all your emotional state when asked to undertake a 'hard limit'
I think it is wrong for a Dominant to ever push the limits of a sub as though them doing this one thing is proof of their devotion either to the Dom or to the lifestyle.
ReplyDeleteI've had a Dom do this to me, and I allowed him to push me past my limits, too far outside my comfort zone, because he said if I didn't then I wasn't committed. Looking back on it now, he was wrong to push like that, I was wrong to let him.
I agree with Alice...I to had (let) a D push me further than I was comfortable. In the end I decided he was not the man for me. I think of it as a life lesson, one that I will not forget...for the next time.
ReplyDeletehugs :)
I think a lot of us when we first start at some point come across a dominant like that. I too join the ranks with Alice and SBF. They use manipulation as a form of dominance but then we learn it isn't really dominance at all.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and awesome questions...because I think we all can use the reminder from time to time...or know someone who can :)
Hugs!
Banana
All very good points and i couldn't disagree with any but sometimes you just get caught up in the heat of the moment..deperate not to be broken..so wanting to prove your worth..you know its wrong but dont hesitate to follow Masters instruction.
ReplyDeletesarah
I had to comment again because this idea of proving your worth has me all, well, I don't know, just upset I guess. I don't think that any sub should ever have to prove her worth. If the Dom didn't think she was worthy enough to start with then why'd he pick her? I think a relationship like this should start with each person, Dom and sub, already feeling worthy of each other, accepted for who they are already faults and strengths alike.
ReplyDeleteI'm going with Alice on this one; you should not have to "prove yourself" as such. And sure they push your limits -but not your hard limits! Not while they still are hard limits. Now, limits change. Hard limits become soft limits, soft limits become wants. Soft limits can be pushed. Hard limits are just that -completely off limits!
ReplyDeleteIf something truly feels uncomfortable for you then you should not do it -and if it feels truly uncomfortable to you then the dominant should no longer want you to do it! (at that time at least)
I know Master has asked me to try things that I've been a bit uncomfortable with, well more apprehensive/uneasy with, sometimes I've tried but if I still feel uncomfortable with it, if I tell Him so, He would never ever tell me to continue! Ever. Not at that time. Sure you can try again some other time, but stuff that makes you uncomfortable should be treated with care, and be taken slowly if at all.
Thank you everyone for their comments and it seems that a few of us subs have been pushed that little bit further than we were comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteBut i think we are all singing from the same song book and that is we dont do anything that we are not happy doing no matter what the Dominant says to us, nor do we need to prove ourselves to them either by undertaking something that is totally out of your boundaries, respectfully of course!!!
Thank you again for all your comments.
blossom xx