A Blossom of pinkness for blossom. .

Monday, 28 January 2013

Struggling

Am i losing my mojo!!!! i am struggling at the moment with my slavery to Master, a lot of things are and have been happening in my vanilla life that have hindered O/our training sessions, causing me to question my submission to Master.  At the moment i am concerned only with how i am feeling, what i want to do, what i dont want to do, i am not taking into consideration any of Master's feelings, His needs, His wants at this moment in time.  This morning Master instructed me to wear my tack bra and for the first time in the year W/we have been T/together i struggled with this instruction, i said to myself  'i dont want to wear this, if i dont wear it Master will never know'!!!! because W/we are in a LDR....wrong, wrong, wrong, i know this is so wrong but i had to fight with myself this morning to wear it and complete the task that was set me.  i did wear it and have been wearing it all day, even as i write this i am wearing it, its like by wearing it still  im compensating for the doubts that i am having.  its like i have hit a brick wall!!!!, Master says W/we will get back on track, but i cant just turn it back on, im not in that frame of mind.  Has it been all that is happening in my vanilla life that is impacting on me, i have dealt with things before and it has never interferred with my slavery to Master, i am very good at coping with things that are thrown at me, but not on this occasion....should i be feeling like this if my submission is deep within me...where has all my motivation gone???

i am not in my slavery mindset at all, what is happening to me!!! Master and i are still very happy and He is aware of how i am feeling and what my thoughts were today and W/we are dealing with this, He is very understanding and has been very supportive to me throughout what has been happening but i just wanted to know from others have they gone through something like this?, is it a passing phase?, were they able to get back on track again? do you have any helpful suggestions?

12 comments:

  1. oh blossom, if its any comfort at all you are not alone and i do really think this is normal.

    The most important thing is that your both communicating about this honestly which you are.

    Perhaps it might help for him to set you tasks to aid in keeping focused, they dont have to physical tasks, mental ones such as writing about how you feel about certain things for eg.

    What does submission mean to me?

    What does his dominance mean to me?

    My Master had me write similar when we had not long started out, it helped him in getting an understanding of what my thoughts were and for me it helped writing it down rather than being able to verbalise it to him directly, i could give it more thought.

    I hope you feel better about all this soon.

    hugs

    xx

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    Replies
    1. hi tori

      many thanks for your support and Master has taking me in hand as they say...smiles...he did get me to write a report on an article He found asking me to incorporate where i see my submission to Him, which has really helped and it is lovely to know others have gone or are going through the same thing..smiles

      hugs
      blossom x

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  2. I'm so sorry you're going through this, blossom! But I do think it's normal to go through periods where we feel differenly, especially when we have lots of vanilla pressures. I recently went through something similar but from the opposite side (having to be the one who is patient). Our relationship had very little M/s or kink for several months. It wasn't the easiest thing in the world but I knew it would work itself out, knowing how we both felt deep down.

    I am sure even if we lived with our Masters (wouldn’t that be wonderful?!) life would not be hardcore D/s day and night. The undercurrent is always there but there are times when unexpected vanilla things just take precedence. I’m sure you can trust that your Master is patient like I am and will either wait for the vanilla stress to lift or help you feel as submissive as you can during it.

    hugs, squirrel

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    Replies
    1. hugs squirrel...thank you for your support and Master and i have gotten over the hurdle and W/we are back on track again...huge smiles. it does panic one when everything had been going along so smoothly for so long and then bam like hitting a brick wall...but that wall has gone now...smiles

      hugs
      blossom x

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  3. It's all part of the dynamic of life, Honey. It's never static, always changing. Be patient and the feeling will come around again. Like David said to me,"Fake it until you make it", trite but true :). You are not alone, as you can see from your comments. We all go through this at times. sometimes the details of day to day vanilla life just demands more of our focus.

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    Replies
    1. hi monkey...thank you for your support...not sure about faking it until you make it...does that not make it false then? not being true to your significant one?...if only vanilla life would stop getting in the way!!!...laughs

      blossom x

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  4. I think what you are going through is normal. Sometimes, the demands of vanilla life can make things difficult for the D/s lifestyle. It's probably just a matter of time before you get back to your slavery mindset. Be patient and good luck.

    FD

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    Replies
    1. thank you FD...so it seems and thank goodness to know, thought i was failing in my submission...but am not..smiles....this girl is getting her mojo back...smiles

      blossom x

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  5. I'm chiming in again because I just read what David said to monkey "Fake it until you make it." I've never heard that before and don't understand it from a Dominant's perspective. But I've been having my own a minor struggle with submission in the last few days and Wolf said this to me: "Be a good girl for Master, most importantly in all your words and actions, secondarily (still important) in your mind. If you can't be a good girl in your mind, at least be a good girl in your actions." I don't really understand how that works but there must be something to it? :-)

    love, squirrel

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    Replies
    1. smiles...not like you hun...laughs...i dont really agree with that myself but each Dominant have their own ideas etc, though Master wouldnt agree with this statement...but if it works for others thats all that matters...smiles there are no set rules that have to be followed, each to their own...smiles

      blossom x

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